Re-reading

Does anyone know how to change your outlook on life from 'half empty' to 'half full'? I need to do this to make my hope of non-smoking come true. The problem is that even though I could overcome all the breastfeeding issues, I can not seem to make my brain/body accept that it doesn't need to smoke to feel better or complete. Where as making my body accept that breastfeeding was vital and not going to be dismissed was so much more work and yet I completed it. I just don't get why that tiny piece of tobacco, chemicals and paper seems so much more complicated than a breast pump, pills, pumping, nursing and arguing with my pediatrician? Or why the breastfeeding held so much more of an incentive for me than to quit smoking, which by the by, would also be better for the nursing relationship that I have fought so hard for. It would not only be better for me, but for my little fatty-boo :) So now off to re-read "The Easy Way To Stop Smoking" and hoping that it might all sink in this time to help with my not so positive outlook on this topic.

Days of Spring

So these pictures were from several days ago on one of the nice days that we could get outside and run off some energy. I was mostly just snapping pictures to take up some time and hoping to get some good shots in general. I got tons of pictures but am only sharing two on this post, because there is a lot of repeated pictures of the baby as he is the only one that moves slow enough for me to get good pictures lol. So I slipped yesterday, day one of trying to be a non-smoker, and felt bad but yet still crave more. I really hate this being unable to decide where I am on it, but yet here I sit, another rough day with more not so good news, and still craving a smoke to make something, anything really feel like normal. I am so scared of failing, and letting people down, but most of them are ok with me making the decision to still be a smoker. They are ok to admit that maybe it's just not my time, and that maybe I will just have to try again at a later time, when it feels more right/ready. So I don't know, maybe this blog should have been named something else so that if I failed it wasn't a constant reminder? Hmmm, thoughts to be pondered? But anyhow, here's the pictures.




This is my middle son, he hardly ever holds still for me to take a good picture. It's always approaching the camera and saying "cheeseburger" lol



The nice days of spring, this is my youngest son enjoying the swing on our porch. This is one sure fire way to make him ready to take a nap. No matter if he just woke up or if he's been up for a couple hours, this swing has a certain sedative property that I, as an adult, doesn't understand lol

Feeling weak

Man this sucks, becoming a non-smoker is very hard!!! I keep finding myself wanting a smoke to make my day feel better, and need to figure out how to want to want to quit. Does that make sense to any of you? My husband seems to understand, which helps a little, but not completely. How about the rest of you? Does it make sense?

First one

I AM NOW A NON-SMOKER!!! This is a mantra that I keep repeating to myself today. Today is my first full day of being a non-smoker, not an ex-smoker but a newly reformed non-smoker. So yeah, of course while I am proud of my choice to make this change, it is very difficult as well. So much of my daily schedule revolved around when I would step outside on the porch. Now that I am not doing that I seriously feel like I have so many more hours in the day that I need to fill. Maybe we should move to a farm, that would likely keep me busy? LOL (That's for you Kate). Oh maybe I should introduce myself, I am a stay at home mom to 5 little ones from 9 years down to 10 months old. We live in central Iowa, where the weather changes faster than a bird can fly, and for the most part we love it here. The winters can be harsh to cope with and the summers can be on the other end of spectrum and still hard to deal with. I have been married to my loving husband for almost 3 years now and this new leg of the journey is one that we are attempting to travel together. We have had many adventures together already, but something needs to be saved for later posts to keep you reading lol. Just going to close off saying that man I miss my smokes, or at least that's what the little monster in the back of my brain is saying ;)